I feel like the Holy Spirit is just taking over. I feel like I have never been this bold in my life. I am finding out through transparency and community you can find healing... of course not apart from God. My last post was about pregnancy loss, and unfortunately this post is also about pregnancy loss. Tomorrow it will make two weeks since our second miscarriage.
I have so many different thoughts and emotions. I feel comfort and strength in sharing my story. I feel sad, when I think about going to my school's homecoming. I was just going to be finishing my first trimester. I was looking forward to styling my little bump. The baby's due date was our wedding anniversary, so it just felt special and a special sign from God about me and my husband's love. I feel disappointed by God. Why did he give me this desire? I feel inadequate, like I didn't believe enough.
I still want to try for another child, but how does that work? How do I put hope in something that I'm not sure it is meant to be, our at least how I want it to be? Is it God's will? So many thoughts so many questions.
My heart aches for a baby I already started to love.
These are the questions and conversations that I have with God on a regular. I have good days and bad days. I find truth and wisdom in his word to help me get through both. I also have previous experiences to show me that God will never leave me, how he brought me out of bad times, how he blessed me with so many good times... a husband that loves me, a child that smothers me with kisses.
this is my journey to healing...
(The picture was used on GoFundMe for a project to help bring awareness and support to pregnancy and infant loss)